


Take the Cart

by Jimiel



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimiel/pseuds/Jimiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hobbits spent centuries working during what they called their wandering years... Maybe the other races should have paid attention to what they were working on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take the Cart

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, the references I found about the wandering years mentioned that it was centuries. So they were maybe a two-three month journey from the Shire when they started. So what did take so long?

“What? I… I don’t need a pony. Really, we could all just take the cart…” Bilbo backed away slightly, looking up at Balin and Thorin with something rather like horror.

Thorin rolled his eyes. “We don’t have time to dawdle with a cart, it wouldn’t fit on some of the paths we must take. Now get on the pony.”

Bilbo’s return look was confused. “No, we really should take the cart.”

The hobbit was ignored as the dwarf king gestured to his nephews before turning away and nudging his pony into motion. Without further ado, Fíli and Kíli were hoisting Bilbo up onto a pony.

“Really, taking the cart would be much better!”

He was ignored.

\- - -

Trolls were horrible. Wargs and Orcs were horrible. Heading into the mountains from Rivendell was horrible!

“The cart, for pity’s sake! We really should take it!” Bilbo gesticulated wildly as if this would convince them.

Dwalin grumbled. “Enough with the blasted cart already, we can’t go back to the Shire from here for your cart!”

“What are you talking about my cart? Anyone can use it!” The hobbit’s curls were tugged on in his frustration.

“Best keep up, Master Baggins.”

\- - -

“I don’t want to go in that forest… Can we please take the cart?”

Dori patted the whining hobbit’s shoulder, but pulled him along into Mirkwood anyway.

\- - -

Dragons were truly horrible. Battles were a close tie for worst. But they were all alive when all was said and done.

“Ready to head back home, Bilbo?” Kíli grinned at the hobbit while leading a pony over.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Everyone stopped where they were putting their things together for the trip back west to stare at the screaming hobbit.

“Absolutely not!” Bilbo yelled. “I have had it up to here,” he gestured to a spot at arm’s length above his head, “with blasted dwarves and ponies and walking! I. Am. Taking. The. Cart!”

The dwarves looked bewildered at each other as Bilbo stomped with his pack deeper into Erebor. He went to a little used section of tunnels were the outline of a round door was drawn onto one of the walls. He pressed his palm to it, muttered something in a lilting bit of gibberish and, to the astonished eyes of the dwarrow, the door opened just like that of a hobbit hole.

Bilbo flounced through the door in a strop, ignoring the dwarves that curiously followed him in. Inside it was dark, but Bilbo seemed to know what he was doing because they heard his hand smack against stone and carvings like trees on the walls started to glow with a silver light. Inside the hidden room was a large contraption with wheels on it, strapped at the top of what looked like a steep tunnel. Bilbo popped open a large wire basket on the back of the contraption and dropped his pack inside before pulling out his handkerchief. With aggressive, aggravated smacks he knocked probably centuries worth of dust off the thing.

Once satisfied with his dusting, Bilbo started turning knobs on the front end of the thing, which began to hum softly, and a bright light beamed out from the front end. Once he was satisfied that it was in working order, he turned to glare at the dwarrow.

“Now if any of you are interested in listening to me this time… The _cart_ can have us back to the shire in less than a week!”

Instantly Fíli, Kíli, Bofur, Ori, Nori, and Glóin were dropping their packs into the basket and moving to take some of the seats. Bilbo graciously showed them how to buckle in for safety reasons and was ignoring the other dumbfounded dwarrow that were standing there gawping at them… Or glaring.

“And why did you not see fit to mention there was a way to get to Erebor so swiftly, Master Baggins?” Thorin sounded furious.

Bilbo froze in place before turning a mighty glare on the king that caused the dwarf to falter. “Excuse me?! I tried from the very moment you attempted to put me on a pony to get you to take the carts but you wouldn’t even listen!” He stomped over until he was almost touching the dwarf, giving him a vicious look. “You wouldn’t even listen! There are hobbit cart stations all over Middle-Earth! We built them during our wandering years before we settled in the Shire. But you are so…”

Bilbo flailed his arms, gave a frustrated scream, and turned back to finish locking the already seated dwarrow in place and strapping himself into the seat front and center between the two princes. “The rest of you can just stay here! We’ll see you in a week or two!”

The hobbit pulled a lever, releasing the brake catch that was holding the cart in place and with a slight squeak, the ‘cart’ started to roll forward. It didn’t take long before it shot out of sight down the tunnel, only the sounds of fading screams from the surprised, and delighted, dwarf passengers remained while the rest of the company was left to their dumbfounded, stupid selves…

**Author's Note:**

> I see the 'cart' tunnels as a sort of elaborate roller coaster system where the hobbits use mild magics combined with gravity and a bunch of slopes to get places fast.


End file.
